D-Gert on Karaoke etiquette

Good idea: making sure your karaoke hostess knows you appreciate her efforts by tipping generously or politely expressing thanks verbally.

Bad idea: getting drunk off your ass and gang-freaking your karaoke hostess while your plastered friends hoot and holler their encouragement.

...guess which one these guys chose...

It's a typical night at Zaps -- drinks are good, music's better, singing's worse -- and the Austin Brothers (as I am officially dubbing this pair of t-sips) are in the house. As usual, they're being good karaoke fans -- you know, singing along, cheering heartily, etc. But I guess it was that 8th pitcher of beer or that 22nd margarita that was their undoing.

I'm headed to the stage to join KBoyTX in a stirring rendition of "Motown Philly" -- one that's far better than the tool's -- and I catch some motion out of the corner of my eye. I turn to look and I see Poor Dusty minding her own business, walking through the crowd, unaware that she's WELL within the vortex of drunken stupor that is the 10 foot radius around the Austin Bros. Like dogs to other dogs' asses, these two leap out of their seats and surround their prey -- the unsuspecting karaoke hostess. Their movements really were a blur, and I remember being impressed by the fact that -- even in their highly inebriated state -- they were able to coordinate their hunting efforts so effectively. They were like a pair of wolves when it comes to gang-freaking -- drunken, drooling wolves with burnt orange ballcaps on and sweat stains -- but wolves none the less.

With a look of sheer terror on her face, Dusty darts to the left, but the Austin Bros. quickly adjust vectors. Now, it's too late. The Alpha Austin has his pelvis-thrust going as he moves in behind her, and Beta Austin already has his arms out and is pumping them furiously as he closes in infront of her.

That is the horrible -- but compelling -- moment captured above.

But Dusty won't be brought down that easily. Just when the Brothers start to relax, thinking the hunt is over, she springs into action. She reaches forward and throws Beta to the side. He ends up face first in the dirt, legs spread, hands still pumping furiously. Then, she makes quick work of Alpha, who ends up on top of Beta (completely by accident, I'm sure...). Dusty walks to the stage, victorious once again leaving the Austins humiliated -- once again.

But it's OK, because I'm sure they were too wasted to remember, so they still had a good time. Plus, I saw Alpha Austin humping a rough wooden pole later on.

The moral of the story, children, is this: it is bad karaoke etiquette to gang-freak your karaoke hostess. Don't do it. Unless, of course, you like being on the ground, on top of your friend (completely by accident, of course...) and humping rough wooden poles later.