Sunday, July 31, 2005

What's going on?!

Whaaaaa?!?!

Alright Krew -- We are lagging behind, and this time it's serious.

We've gotten a TON of complaints about the lack of postings lately. Now we are very sorry, but this thing cannot simply make itself. Alas, the CKE admits that we are mere mortals and haven't been doing as well as when we were doing better, but we haven't exactly had a lot to work with lately.

But don't worry -- no one's mad.

All this to say, WE NEED YOUR STORIES!!

We could publish all of ours, but we want this to be an Everyman ("Everywoman" -- sorry, Megan) site.

So please click the little link on the right side of your screen that says "Submit Stories" (see, I even put arrows around it!) and send in your tales or ideas so we can all get this site crack-a-lackin' once again.

See you all tonight
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Real Men Of Genius...This doesn't include Niblett...Or does it?

Thanks Niblett
Now I understand that Niblett and the King are no longer fueding -- no, really -- but I just wanted to let everyone know that Bud Light weighed in on the side of The King and I thought everyone should know.


MR. JEAN SHORTS INVENTOR
Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius (Real Men of Genius)
Today we salute you Mr. Jean Shorts Inventor (Mr. Jean Shorts Inventor)
People insisted that jeans were just pants, apparently those people underestimated your out-of-the-box thinking (A fashion trail blazer)
Casual enough for a BBQ, formal enough for a family reunion, your multi-dimensional creation handles both duties with ease (You just said DOODY)
And what should we call your ground breaking achievement? How about Jorts? (We really love your jorts)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Jorts Inventor
If fashion's a war, you're fighting dirty. (Mr. Jorts Inventor)

The audio for the Ad is HERE, along with all of the other Real Men of Genius ads.

Thanks for the heads up Hot, White, Dred-less Future.
And thanks, of course, to you, Mr. Real Men of Genius Jingle Writer.
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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Emixalot v. Niblett: the Great Karaoke Klash

War of the Worlds?
"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." ~John F. Kennedy, 1961

Pictured here is General Emixalot of the Karaoke Krew and Field Marshall Niblett of the KNDE-95 Army. These two men have fought a brutal campaign for supremecy for more than two weeks. But last night, all the tension rose to the boiling point, only to end with -- what else? -- a BJ and shots.

The tale of this Cool War begins weeks ago when FM Niblett called out the King over an amazing rendition of "Slow Jamz" with White ChizzyChocolate. (If you don't know the story, go here to catch up with the rest of the world)

After FM Niblett's extreme attempt to humiliate the King publicly and an open declaration of war, the King responded in grand fashion -- with a custom t-shirt. "How else do you show someone you mean business?" the King said. The Timberlake Wannabe shirt was received with enthusiasm by his subjects and resulted in screams of "Niblett Who?!"

The opposing armies entered into brief skirmishes in the following weeks, the most notable led the Hot, white, dred-less, Future to ask, "Why do you [Niblett] want to be like Emixalot so bad?"

But last night changed the world.

According to reports, Emixalot took the stage to perform "Ice Ice Baby" -- in a way no other mere mortal can do -- when an annoying, familiar voice calls from behind him, "Tuck in the front and grab your belt!" Taking the insult as a challenge, the King does so and responds, "Hey Niblett! Blow me!" This fiery rhetoric spurred the Field Marshall to jump onto stage and act like he was -- in fact -- performing fellatio on the King (this may have been a dream come true for Niblett, but we'll leave that for historians to debate).

After the song, Niblett and The King went to Babershots for pre-war talks, hoping to avert the impending war that would soon embroil the two warring camps. FM Niblett offered up a Pink Panther to assuage any disrespect he may have caused through the psy-ops waged on his radio program. Through this simple display of respect and a toast to the Front Tuck, the War of the Worlds was averted before a drop of beer was spilled.

Now in the post-war era, experts expect the occasional jab or snide comment made at the other's expence (I mean, the pair's first exchange after treaty talks closed were, "Niblett, the only guy who still wears denim shorts, make your way to the stage;" to which Niblett replied, "My mom thinks I am cool;" to which the King responded," Your mom thinks I am cool too!")

Closing Thought from the King: Don't try to out-do me, Niblett. We may have a truce, but on my turf, the King will always win.

P.S.: Adam Knight, the 3pm-6pm DJ -- who one would have expected to come down (hehe) on the KNDE 95 side of the Battle of the Front Tuck -- made sure the King knew he never said a word about me on air. (Sounds like someone wants to give a BJ...)
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

C-Money's Money-Shot-O-the-Week

You fill this in!
HERE WE GO!
This is the second C-Money Money-Shot-o-the-Week. It's YOUR chance to tell US what's going on...in this picture at least.

So here's what you do:
1. Look at the picture
2. Click on "comments"
3. Write your caption for the posted pic. It can be anything. Make it funny/witty/insightful/dirty
4. Click "publish"

It's that easy to get in on the fun. So go ahead. Try it. You know you want to... If you're not satisfied, you can have your money back...
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Where are all my Peeps?

Where is everyone...I am lonely!
What's going on!?! I know I know...Where is the Krew? The Elders have received several emails and phone calls concerning the Krew and their whereabouts.

Well, rest assured we will be back in action tonight. And the last post about us having real lives outside of Karaoke -- that was a BIG LIE!! I don't know what D-Gert was thinking.

But in response to your emails...

Emixalot was galavanting about in Galveston with a 3-year-old girl and a 32-year-old man. This story would be better had the three of them been related. However, he took a note from the "I want to be DJ Fully" handbook and met them online for an all out ROMP in the ocean. TRUTH: We actually were related -- the girl is my cousin and the man, my uncle -- whom I haven't seen for a really long time, but the joke isn't funny unless we are unrelated.

D-Gert was -- as you can guess -- busy with his presidential campaign. Let me remind you all of his platform: "A Raucous White Rapper over every lonely heart, and a 'flatie' in every home." Obviously, Emixalot will be his running mate and we hope you VOTE OR DIE in the upcoming election. TRUTH: Actually he was packing for his upcoming move. Once again, this story isn't all that funny.

The Infamous Shelly B and White Chocolate...well, those two are still MIA, although I would like to remind you that "The Sexual White Chocolates" are still out there terrorizing whom (who? whom? I don't know...) ever they meet. TRUTH: Once again, I am sure they will be there tonight. I think they were just out getting drunk and participating in orgies, which is actually about as funny as the fake story.

Megan, soon to be known as "Shades," was on a four day tour of her lecture series -- entitled Screw Men: I Can Do It Better Myself -- that offers answers to those impossible questions about men, e.g. "How are there impossible questions about men? We are easier to figure out than dogs." TRUTH: She actually was probably doing this, but I think she was feeding my cat.

Dj Fully, well the whole Hopelessly-White-And-There-Is-No-Help, But-I-Want-To-Rap-So-I-Will-Try-Anything-To-Be-Black camp really went into some extra innings. He should be making an appearance tonight. But yeah, he is starting to become a disgrace to several races with every song he sings. TRUTH: Need I remind you all of "Space Jam." BTW, I have nothing to add, this is really where he was.

C-Money is trying to pick up three chicks at one time again. Unfortunately, all of the ladies that attend Karaoke are onto his game (thanks to our interviews) so he went slinging his game at a few other establishments hoping to spread is Country Money love. TRUTH: That is so unhealthy... I actually think he was sitting at home, in his mother's basement, but whatever...

Anyways, we will be back tonight at POETS. See you there.
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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Sitting Out

Both of us are busy in the real world (yes, we do have lives apart from karaoke) so posting will be light to non-existent through the weekend, and maybe into Monday and Tuesday too.

However, don't worry. We shall return!

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Women on top of C-Money

C-Money who?
As most of you know, C-Money somehow picked up three chicks in one night. No -- really I promise he did. So after getting his version of the events, we sat down with those lovely ladies and asked them their thoughts on local TV's most eligable bachelor -- er, weatherman. Anyways...

Karaoke Krew: Tell me in your own words what REALLY happened that first night at karaoke.

The HOT CHICKS: Well, we were sitting there enjoying a couple drinks besides Kim, because she was “One of the young ones that CT always seems to attract” and enjoying the nice night air with our friend P-Doogie. When all of a sudden, this random FREAKIN HOT guy is asking P-Doogie to introduce him to us, like we didn’t know what was going on….We have seen better covert ops skills from Pee-Wee Herman in a movie theatre So C-Money comes up and starts being the playa he is and chatting it up with the three of us. And then he dropped the bomb that he was in fact, the local weatherman. We were star struck! So the evening continued and we don’t really remember what was discussed something about raining 9 inches, but before you know it, good ole C-money had his hands on Lindsay’s back-door front phone and was entering his phone number. That sneaky little boy had called his phone from Lindsay’s to get her number

Karaoke Krew: Were the other girls jealous that C-Money only wanted Lindsay’s number?

The HOT CHICKS:Actually we sorta felt sorry for her YES! We talked about it for the next few days non stop. But Kim had a plan in the back of her head. She was going to give him her number some how!

Karaoke Krew: So when was the next time that you saw C-Money?

The HOT CHICKS: The next Friday night, C-Money had called Lindsay. She was suffering from a blonde moment and thought her phone was set on vibrate.And you all know why Because she didn’t hear the phone ringing in da club and she didn’t feel her purse, she had no clue he had called. actually she was dodging his call, but whatever. BUT, Kim’s plan was thrown into action ASAP, and she had planned to go to Northgate with some other friends. Low and behold, there was C-Money ALONE at the ATM, and he got those digits whether he liked it or not With a little help from the four tequila shots she had taken before going out.

Karaoke Krew: So we’ve seen you at karaoke a lot lately. Is this because of C-Money?

The HOT CHICKS: Woah, woah, woah! Now don’t get us wrong, C-money’s a cool guy, but we like the dollar shots...and Emixalot's mad skillz (the King did didn't even have to add that plug.)

Karaoke Krew: So, how does C-Money play the game?

The HOT CHICKS: Well, he tries to get our attention by showing off his HOTT weather skills. Well maybe it will be better shown in list form:

1. C-Money gave Kim a nice rendition of "Nice and Slow" to welcome her into the world of legal drinking. And bought her her first shot of the night, none other than a Jager Bomb.
2. He has shown his pimp-ass ride off by starting it with the touch of a button on his key chain. (a truck that big has got to be compensating for something)
3. He has now named two hurricanes. Expect Hurricane Kim and Hurricane Lindsay to roll into town any day now.
4. He has tried to awe us with a personal weather forecast detailing the storm last Thursday night.
5. He is trying to seduce us and get us drunk by showing us the local wine bar.


Karaoke Krew: So, have any of his efforts worked so far?

The HOT CHICKS: We don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but you should be seeing Julie, Kim and Lindsay at many more karaoke nights to come.

Well thanks ladies. I feel we have a better understanding now of how the night really went. Thanks for your numbers time.
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The K-Krew: International MAN Site of Mystery.

Look at us

Just days ago, this blog made its mark on Yahoo! when we were returned #2 for a search.

Now -- I'm pleased to announce -- Karaoke Krew: White Rapping Never Sounded So Good has become an INTERNATIONAL phenomenon.


Check it out.

Close Up
See, according to SiteMeter -- the official traffic monitoring site of Karaoke Krew: White Rapping Never Sounded So Good -- someONE from a small part of Russia, Norway, Finland, Belarus, Ukraine, Hungary, Bulgaria, Greece, Turkey, Syria, Lebannon, Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya, Dem. Republic of the Congo, Libya, Chad, C.A.R., Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania, Malawi, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Botswana, Swaziland, Lesotho, Estonia, Latvia, Belarus, Slovakia, Moldova, Romania, Macedonia, Yugoslavia, Poland, South Africa, OR Eritrea has visited our site.

Although they were probably just looking for those porn pics of DJ Fully. (where is he by the way?)

How cool are we?!
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Emixalot on Karaoke etiquette

Exhibit B: Eminem, well sorta
Good Idea: Rapping, even though you are white, and working hard to get the crowd into the flow you are spittin' Actually that may not even be a good idea

Bad Idea: Watch 8 Mile 7,456 times because you really think you are rap's Great White Hope and then trying to bring a Freestyle battle to the stage.

...guess which one Wayne "Actually I think I am Eminem" Toolbag chose...


It's Monday night...not a typical night for the Krew, well in fact it still wasn't a night for the Krew. The King just felt he had to check on his loyal subjects for an hour -- RIGHT. That hour turned into a 2am romp, but luckily for all of you K-Krew patrons I went and stayed because now I have a story.

You hear it and you don't believe it (however it is pictured above so you have to), "9-7-9 let me hear where you at. You aggies is cool, but I am a Thundercat." Hailing from HOT-Lanta, Wayne...picks out a song, mostly just Eminem, and then Freestyles on the mic for the duration of the song...Spreading his great white skillz. To be honest he wasn't too bad at the flowing, but then it got bad -- well, actually, it never started out good -- so then it got worse.

After hearing me spit, Ice Ice baby, he challenges me to a Freestyle Battle. BRING IT Except he was already offending two races, I didn't think me battling him would help any. So I chose to make fun of him. I pick up a mic, I pretend to be scratching records and yell, "Everybody from the 313, put your mothaflippin hands up and follow me...Everybody from the 313, put your mothaflippin hands up...Wikki-wikki-wikki!" (another 8mile reference, if you haven't seen this movie, get on it...these jokes are alot funnier that way.)

So my Hot, white, dred-less Future begs me to stop between her laughing because she fears I am only encouraging SNOW. So I do, but the wise guy challenges, Kid Rock's Skinnier, white-trashier, smaller, little brother to a Battle. They battle it out and Kid Rock's little brother pulls a Chris Rock, and drops the mic. I thought Caylin was going to kill him. But she had other guys to kill that night, so she let that one slide. She just took Lil' Wayne off the list.

On that note...Here are a few mic etiquette rules.
1. No dropping the mic, for dramatic effect, it really wasn't all that cool anyways.
2. If you are gonna wear 9lbs. of lipstick, leave it on your lips, not the mic.
3. And if you must scream (you are on a mic so there is really no reason, but whatever) don't hock up everything you have eaten that day into it, other people use them. Well not anymore, we had to replace the mics, due to drunk incompetence and a certain person, named after my favorite Pool Game.

The moral of the story, children, is this: it is bad karaoke etiquette to freestyle when you are white. Don't do it. Unless, of course, you like being laughed at by everyone within mic range of your off-beat cracker rapping.
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Just FYI...

Hey look at us
Just wanted all our karaoke peeps to know that we are #2 in a Yahoo! Search for "karaoke krew"! How cool are we...

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Monday, July 11, 2005

The CKE Answers Your Questions

We have spoken
Ok. So, the Council of Karaoke Elders has been completely flooded with emails every week, and -- honestly -- we're getting sick of it (we're actually not, but saying we are adds to the drama).

The emails are usually questions about general karaoke happenings, blog entries, and a whole lot of people just want to know what is actually going on in the C-Money Money-Shot-o-the-Week.

So here is where all that excitment will take place: a periodic update on the captions, questions, and general comments put before the CKE.

Did C-Money decide what team he was on?
Well, according to our informal survey (that only seven people responded to -- y'all suck!!) it's tied between "rap" (3) and "both" (3). So if you add the "rap" votes (3) and half of the "both" (1.5) together, you end up with "rap" winning (because 3+1.5=4.5 > 1+1.5=2.5...confusing enough for you?!) So technically, "rap" is the team that C-Money should be on, but he's still doing both because he's as confused as ever -- especially after that little math lesson.
-- D-Gert

Why is Emixalot single?
To avoid a conflict of interest, I (D-Gert) am fielding this question.
Emix is single for one very simple reason. It's a reason that many might suspect, but it's probably not the one you're thinking about right now. No one should have much trouble guessing why Emixalot is single. In fact, it's so simple lots of people miss it because it's staring them in the face. So here's the answer: ... You know what? It's such a simple answer, I'm not going to answer the question. Just figure it out. You probably already have.
-- D-Gert...but I already said that

Was White Chocolate ever in a gang?
Well, I really was hoping to avoid digging into her past too much, but since we have literally been flooded with mail NOT about this question, I feel it must be answered. According to Harris County arrest records from 1996, Lindsey "White Chocolate" Rodgers has been arrested on 29 counts of criminal mischief and vandalism all involving a group that called themselves -- are ya ready for this? -- the "Sexual White Chocolates;" a group, you may have most recently heard about, when one of their founding members -- Martha "M-diddy" Stewart -- was arrested and jailed for "lying with to investigators".
-- Emixalot

Where is DJ FULLY?
Ok -- So we haven't actually received any emails about this, but we needed another queston to make it an even number. But if any of you are concerned, don't worry, DJ Fully will be back after his Hopelessly-White-And-There-Is-No-Help, But-I-Want-To-Rap-So-I-Will-Try-Anything-To-Be-Black camp is over. But there really is no telling how long that could take.
-- Emixalot...but I already said that too.
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Saturday, July 09, 2005

Top 10 lists are kinda fun.

Emixalot is hot and I want to have his baby.

Here we are again, with another top 10 list. There is a chance you will get to see many of these along the course of this blog. But hey they are freakin' hilarious, so enjoy.

For this round of Top 10, we wanted to pick out The Top 10 Things most likely overheard at Karaoke, besides "Emixalot is so hot and I want to have his baby" cause I mean, come on, that one is obvious.


10. Emixalot is Hot and I want to have his baby. Submitted by: The Infamous Shelly B., Crap, can't use that.
9. Emixalot is Hot and I want to have his baby. Submitted by: KLN, And we can't use that either.
8. Emixalot is Hot and I want to have his baby. Submitted by: White Chocolate, And that one is out, plus she has already had one.
7. Emixalot is Hot and I want to have his baby. Submitted by: Megan , Wow!, I am beginning to see a pattern.
6. Emixalot is Hot and I want to have his baby. Submitted by: T-ram aka The Closer, Alright, seriously, that is just gross - not to mention impossible.

Well it turns out that is really all that is talked about at Karaoke so stratch that and we will come up with another Top 10 list another day, we really thought there was more talked about on these outings, but I guess not.
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Friday, July 08, 2005

Dusty and Caylin's Top 10 things we wish we could say when asked our favorite questions.

Holy cow we are hot!!
Once again the Krew has gotten an exclusive interview with some Karaoke Greats -- none other than the Original BadAsses, your very own hostess', Caylin (the hot, white, dred-less Future) and her MILF mom Dusty. And they are here with a little Top 10 list of things they wish they could say when asked..."Who's next?"

DISCLAIMER:: To all of our BADASSES: First and foremost, we would like to start out by saying we love each and every one of you....and trust me, we love your voice... ::END DISCLAIMER

Does this sound familiar? "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I have to pee. Are we there yet?"

Yeah, its freakin annoying, we know that all too well. But to us, it sounds a little something like this:
"Am I next?"
"When am I coming up?"
"I have to leave soon. Can you move me up?"
"Ive been waiting a really long time, can I be next?"
"Hey, my friend wants to know if they are next, can you check for me?"
"Im just seeing if i have time to get a beer, because I think I should be coming up soon, right?"
"We're about to go and I really need to hear my friend sing this song"
-- and our all time favorite --
"We're really good, we can really get the crowd going!" (as if it wasn't going already, but thanks, buddy)

Trust us, we've heard them all. Now, we are always nice , but sometimes -- well all the time really -- we wish we could give them an "honest answer."

So here we go with this week's TOP 10 LIST.

TOP 10 THINGS WE WISH WE COULD SAY WHEN ASKED OUR FAVORITE QUESTIONS


10. I'd love for you to sing, but no one is drunk enough yet.
9. Really?! You record. That's nice.
8. Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, but no one wants to hear you sing
7. You'll be next when you can flow SlowJamz like White Chocolate
6. You were next, but I just penalized you another 10 singers for asking again.
5. Hey Dusty, do you hear that? I swear someone's saying something...oh well
4. TIP DAMMITT!!!
3. Oh, I would put you next, but the last 50 people that just asked are up first.
2. Hell no, you're not next, and if you keep bugging me you'll never be next!
...and the number one thing we wish we could say is...
1. NO!...so, do everyone a favor...sit down, shut up and buy me a damn beer!

Thank you all for coming out to our shows, and we look forward to seeing you there next time, even if you ask when you are up next -- just be ready for a Bad Ass Answer.
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Thursday, July 07, 2005

Day Four of the Tour

RECAP: Day 4
Well The First tour is in the books...And now some much earned R&R. This will hopefully be my last Rap up joke for a while. So tell your mom I will be there in a minute and read about the Grand Finale...

I think we could call night four of the Tour, the Night that almost never happened. Tragedy struck before the night even had a chance...The PC decided it wasn't really in the mood for a fourth night of touring so it stopped for about an hour. I think the real problem was that the Karaoke Krew were all working til then and the PC was just giving us time to make it to the show. But luckily someone's magic touch got that machine kickin again and we were off for the Marathon finish. Also something must have been in the water at POETS cause half the crew was either Hung over or sick this morning which resulted in a smaller than usual crowd for the Finale but did that stop us....UM, NO.

No Cry Me a River tonight....BUMMER.

White Chocolate decided to take the night off on night 3, which cost us about half our crowd that night, but we recovered I suppose. But tonight, she took to the stage -- no holds barred, lucky thong on -- Ready to kick some SHHHHH--. She pulled out all the stops for the finale and did the best "Slow Jamz" ever. Once again, I couldn't have been happier being her back up dancer. It was amazing -- Hey Niblett, eat that. Although, I guess he did say she was good and I was the one that sucked...so perhaps that was a not needed comment...Oh well. I was on fire too so there.

No Istanbul tonight....BUMMER.

On top of that smooth white chocolate, it turns out the Infamous Shelly B can flow futuristic also, bustin out her version of Roll Out. And the Council of Karaoke Elders (Emix and D-Gert) decided that those two must just sit at home in bikinis and freestyle battle against each other...I kinda thought it wierd they called their place THE SHELTER, but never really thought anything of it. that was an 8Mile joke by the way

Listen to me
I also enjoyed the many opening acts we had this evening...Mainly anyone with a recording contract -- the next Lee Ann WHINES -- or anyone thinking they can jam better than the Karaoke Krew.

No Space Jam tonight....BUMMER.

Diddy Sound
Another well played Finale move was another Virgin Performance by none other than Sean aka Diddy Sound. Pulling out a little VooDoo to make the ladies melt and the guys wishin they were him. Once again, the night was capped with an excellent cherry pop.

Something has been troubling me and since this is my Blog I will write about it here. Well actually been troubling my friend. How exactly does one take out contacts when they are drunk? If you have an answer they would love to hear it. Just post a comment and let us know.

No TimberFAKE shirt tonight....BUMMER. (well actually this one really is sad, although the AVAILABLE shirt was way cool.)

I would like to thank all of you who came out and supported the First ever Karaoke Krew Tour and we look forward to doing it for you all again soon. Just a heads up...You can look forward to some top ten lists by your hostess' Dusty and Caylin (My hot, white, dred-less Future), the C-Money Money Shot-o-the week, and more interviews from some of today's hottest Karaoke Talents. And if you have any story ideas let us know. We would love to hear them, we will probably take total credit for it if it is good and if it sucks well then you won't see it on here and then you will know you are dumb. that was a bit harsh

And remember, Sun, Mon and Wed. at Zapatos and Tues. at POETS There is no reason we can't tour again real soon.
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C-Money's Money-Shot-o-the-Week

SCREAM
HERE WE GO!
This is the first C-Money Money-Shot-o-the-Week. It's YOUR chance to tell US what's going on...in this picture at least.

So here's what you do:
1. Look at the picture
2. Click on "comments"
3. Write your caption for the posted pic. It can be anything. Make it funny/witty/insightful/dirty
4. Click "publish"

It's that easy to get in on the fun. So go ahead. Try it. You know you want to... If you're not satisfied, you can have your money back...

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Day Three of the Tour

RECAP: Day 3
Only one more night and the first ever KaraokeKrew Forth of July, Four Day Tour will be over...But til then we have a RAP up of Day Three...Here's to new beginnings...

The POETS kick off. We popped POETS cherry. I could probably stop there and that would be kinda fun to wonder about, but I won't. Here are the highlights.

C-money...Hook a brother up. I mean this guy got more play than Michael Jackson at a Elementary school. (I couldn't resist...MJ knows I love him, he also knows not to try anything with me...although I am a bit old for him). I think Day Three should be dubbed The C-Money Show: Starrring: C-Money, Co-starring: C-Money, with Back up vocals by C-Money...oh yeah and Dj Fully. Homeboy sang it up all night. Which is cool, I mean it is better he did all that when there were so few of us. But an interesting turn of events happened when C-Money had so much time on the mic...We turned into Country Money. I don't know how bright that is, but you can read more about that soon.

I wish there was more to report but none of us got to sing since C-Money wouldn't let anyone else on the mic.

Just Playin...Gosh CT is gonna kill me after all of this.

Another highlight for the night was a debut solo performance from ARTEMIS PRIME, with his version of Ring Of Fire. I have to admit not a bad song choice for a solo debut...and homeboy knows how to order up some Water Moccasins, oh and Pints of Bud light in a Bottle...Well maybe not.

I was introduced as "Bad Ass' very own"...which in a way was a little exciting. I mean, Emixalot really should be a household name anyway. And I don't just mean in sorority houses.

This is all I got for the night. I felt the kick off at POETS was a lot of fun and I look forward to more nights there...It is sorta like the Cool People's Ugly's.

p.s. If I have forgotten a pivotal point in the evening...let me know.

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He's a little bit country, a little bit Rap...and completely confused.

Howdy
Booyakasha
Its seems like long ago when I was invited to my first Karaoke night. I thought to myself, “Karaoke? There's no way I am going to sing in front of a bunch of people.” But on one warm night in May, that all changed.

After several songs at the POETS kick off, C-Money is torn between what is in his heart and what is in his pants, and this has nothing to do with a girl. We had C-Money lay it on the line -- and by viewer vote -- C-money is gonna let the fans decide if the "C" in C-Money stands for Country or Cop Killa...

"I don’t remember my first song, but I can tell you it was a rap song. Rap songs are the easiest to sing so I thought what the hell. As I filled out my slip, I didn’t put C.T. or Conley. Instead, I chose C-Money. Yeah I don’t know where that came from either. So I get up on stage, rap my little white heart out, and people tell me I am good. So from then on, C-Money became a household name. Right there with Vanilla Ice, Eminem, and Emixalot. (wow, I didn't even have to add that)

I have grown tired of rap now. I sing the same songs over and over again and I wanted to mix things up. So I go back to my roots and decide to sing country. Of course, I practiced many songs in the shower (yes naked!) and thought I can do this. Sunday night rolls around and I choose "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" by Travis Tritt. The song is up beat, fast, and fun. It was over before it started. So Tuesday night rolls around at the new place POETS and I sing a slower country song. One that I know quite well. "Nobody Knows" by Kevin Sharp.
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is a-tumblin' down
I can say it clearly but you're no where around

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

Later on that night I sing some George Strait and even had someone put in a George song for me. I even changed my name to "Country Money." According to most, I do a decent job with country songs. Not like "Wow, he is awesome!" but not "Wow, he sucks!" either.

So here is your chance to make a difference. I want you to vote should I
continue singing my country songs or just go back to rap? And be honest. I won’t take it personal. At least I am up there trying. if you can call it that

So yeah... Read the story and make a comment a vote so that CT can decide which side of the fence he is on.
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Day Two of the Tour

RECAP: Day 2

Night two of our whirlwind tour...It is the 4th of July. Spirits are high, the drinks are cheap and we have water balloons. What more could you ask for?

How about a crowd.


The night was a bit slow, but for a slow night, there was plenty of fun to be had. Well maybe not so slow, but quiet, it was virtually impossible to get the crowd going. I mean sure it got going at about 1:00, due to being way drunk and nowhere to go, but luckily someone brought water balloons. The Bad Ass Karaoke Krew brought close to 1000 water ballons and having an all out brawl with them was fun. T-RAM aka. Do-me-right-now-with-your-voice totally janked Megan in the head with a ballon and I thought she was going to kill him. Luckily she didn't, but she was soaking wet in heels. Sounds like a dream I had

INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE......................................

Anyways. Most of us were pretty wet by the time the ballons were gone, oh wait except for C-money with his evasive manuvre: the I-will-get-all-of-you-wet-and-run-like-a-little-girl-to-the-stage-so-no-one-can-get-me-wet move. Which seemed to be working well for him, til once again T-Ram made sure everyone knew who was boss. Another interesting tidbit of information Caylin (aka The Hot, White, FUTURE) is allergic to latex...so water ballons were not so good for her and she was itching like crazy. (Can I help scratch that?)

INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE......................................

There is a good reason I do Karaoke and not Comedy...Although I think I am freakin hilarious. So I tell a joke...the joke. "I saw a whino eating grapes, I said dude, you gotta wait."

INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE......................................

And on that note...we are moving on.

But on a much more serious or perhaps fantastic note..."God Bless the USA" performed by Megan, The Infamous Shelly B with back-up vocals provided by T-ram.
Picture this...
"If tomorrow all the things were gone
. . I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
. . with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
. . to be livin' here today.
Cause the flag still stands for freedom
. . And they can't take that away.

As the crowd slowly begins to stand together and drape their arms over each other and sway to the beat...Singing, screaming, Proudly declaring..."I'm Proud to be an American, where at least I know I am free. The best reaction of the night...Heck the only reaction of the night. But it was amazing. Infact, so great, that a soldier, back from Kuwait, thanked them and was very proud of them for singing that song.

Other than that...Nothing more to report. Night 3 a kick off at P.O.E.T.S.

And that's a RAP.
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She wet herself...or did she?: A Point/CounterPoint with White Chocolate and the Infamous Shelly B.

POINT
PEE-er

I hope this segment like so many others on here will become a staple...The Point/CounterPoint.

And what better way to kick it off than with a cat fight over whether White Chocolate wet herself or whether the Infamous Shelly B. spilt the beer on her.

POINT: The Infamous Shelly B. says:
So there I was sitting down in one of the hard iron chairs at Zapatos listening to yet another horrible reenactment of some old school song. I’m trying to get comfortable in my chair so I decide maybe I’ll try sitting sideways and put my legs over the arm of the chair. This lasts for maybe 3 minutes because I can no longer feel my feet. I then look around to find something to prop my legs on. I’m scanning scanning scanning and I notice the corner of the table is free of beer seepage so I then proceed to kick up one of my legs to put it on the table when all of a sudden wablaaam! I have just kicked Lindsey’s half full cup of beer all over her “crotch area” and might I add it was during the song RIGHT before she was to go on and rap her college station renown “Slow Jamz” with Emixalot. So, of course I feel horrible for wasting her beer and making her look like she pissed herself. Hilarious! She then had to postpone her infamous rapping ability to wait for her crotch to dry……..so sad yet so funny.


COUNTERPOINT: White Chocolate says:
So there I was, just chillin’ in my chair, talkin’ shit with my friends and having a good ol’ time at Zapatos. Then Evan said we would be going on soon to rap “Slow Jamz”…my most prized ghetto-fied song of the night. Even though I know that song like the back of my hand, I still always get a little nervous before performing because I hate messing up. Well you know with being nervous you sometimes get a little thirsty, so I reached for my ice cold Bud Light…which just so happens to be the best beer ever. Right after I take a sip of my beer, I rest the cup on my knee, and then the worst thing imaginable happens. All of a sudden, Shelly kicks up her leg to rest it on the table and her foot catches my leg or something, and half of my beer (without the cup even moving) flies out in a huge tidal wave heading straight for my beloved crotch. It happened so fast, I had no time to try and move away from the wave of beer. I mean, why couldn’t the beer have just landed on my leg or the bottom of my shorts? Nooooooooo…….it had to saturate the actual crotch area alone (actually running down my leg too) to make it look like I pissed myself…..like I was soooooo nervous about rapping that I couldn’t even hold my bladder. And of course it had to happen like a minute before I was to go on and wow everyone with my rapping abilities. So I freak out…..but also laugh…..and try to soak up my shorts with a napkin. I told Evan that he HAD to tell Caylin that I was NOT going on stage until my shorts dried. So finally after two songs, my crotch dried and I went up on stage. It was a rather hilarious incident and it added to our many crazy stories at karaoke.


You be the Judge...
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D-Gert on Karaoke etiquette

Exhibit A: the gang-freak
Good idea: making sure your karaoke hostess knows you appreciate her efforts by tipping generously or politely expressing thanks verbally.

Bad idea: getting drunk off your ass and gang-freaking your karaoke hostess while your plastered friends hoot and holler their encouragement.

...guess which one these guys chose...


It's a typical night at Zaps -- drinks are good, music's better, singing's worse -- and the Austin Brothers (as I am officially dubbing this pair of t-sips) are in the house. As usual, they're being good karaoke fans -- you know, singing along, cheering heartily, etc. But I guess it was that 8th pitcher of beer or that 22nd margarita that was their undoing.

I'm headed to the stage to join KBoyTX in a stirring rendition of "Motown Philly" -- one that's far better than the tool's -- and I catch some motion out of the corner of my eye. I turn to look and I see Poor Dusty minding her own business, walking through the crowd, unaware that she's WELL within the vortex of drunken stupor that is the 10 foot radius around the Austin Bros. Like dogs to other dogs' asses, these two leap out of their seats and surround their prey -- the unsuspecting karaoke hostess. Their movements really were a blur, and I remember being impressed by the fact that -- even in their highly inebriated state -- they were able to coordinate their hunting efforts so effectively. They were like a pair of wolves when it comes to gang-freaking -- drunken, drooling wolves with burnt orange ballcaps on and sweat stains -- but wolves none the less.

With a look of sheer terror on her face, Dusty darts to the left, but the Austin Bros. quickly adjust vectors. Now, it's too late. The Alpha Austin has his pelvis-thrust going as he moves in behind her, and Beta Austin already has his arms out and is pumping them furiously as he closes in infront of her.

That is the horrible -- but compelling -- moment captured above.

But Dusty won't be brought down that easily. Just when the Brothers start to relax, thinking the hunt is over, she springs into action. She reaches forward and throws Beta to the side. He ends up face first in the dirt, legs spread, hands still pumping furiously. Then, she makes quick work of Alpha, who ends up on top of Beta (completely by accident, I'm sure...). Dusty walks to the stage, victorious once again leaving the Austins humiliated -- once again.

But it's OK, because I'm sure they were too wasted to remember, so they still had a good time. Plus, I saw Alpha Austin humping a rough wooden pole later on.

The moral of the story, children, is this: it is bad karaoke etiquette to gang-freak your karaoke hostess. Don't do it. Unless, of course, you like being on the ground, on top of your friend (completely by accident, of course...) and humping rough wooden poles later.
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And all the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men couldn't put DJ Fully back together again

OUCH!!
In my first diatribe (which, surely, no one read because they were too freaked out by me…and me in the photo that accompanied it), I mentioned “the tools and fools that make you wiggle and giggle that make the [karaoke] experience that much better.”

Hello, my name is Steve, and I’m a tool.

The appeal of Zapatos, I think, lies in the ambiance. If there’s anything good that can come out of the drought we’ve been in these last few weeks, it's the clear nights at karaoke. Huddling with the masses inside the cramped confines of the bar with speakers blaring and rain pouring is not my (or most’s) idea of a fun night. But bring the noise and the funk outside under the clear, starry night, and it becomes a heavenly evening under the heavens...

And, in some cases, under a small patio roof…

Damn it.

There is, indeed, one part of the outdoor area that is covered. A few wood planks and a canvas beer banner won’t do much to protect someone from the rain, but again, it’s part of the atmosphere.

So C-Money, D-Gert, E-Mix and I are called to wow the crowd with our better-than-Corn-Chunk version of Motownphilly. There’s a mass of chairs and a mass of people that have massed in the paths out of where we’re sitting underneath this portico. I see two seats in my way, but no butts in them, so I decide to step onto and over them. And for some flair, I decide to do a little leap off them.

I stand 6’1”. The chair’s seat was probably two feet off the ground. And I probably leap another foot or two into the air. I would have leapt higher, but that’s all the roof would let me.

Yes, my head went crashing into one of the planks, sending me straight down to the dirt and onto my ass.

Of course, most people just saw me on my rear in the aftermath and thought I had tripped over the chairs. So when I was barely able to stand on stage, leaning on E-Mix and the sound system, asking if I was bleeding, no one gave me the light of day.

“Very funny, Steve…acting like you’re hurt or something…haha…da do do da da…”

It was only when I was in a lapse of consciousness that I was able to relay that my less-than-sensible cranium had been rattled.

So to anyone who took a dirt and gravel shower from me hitting it…hard…my apologies. I’m just glad I was able to provide a little bit of unintentional humor for the evening.

Oh, and now I can’t do math. Apparently, I couldn’t do it before.
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Day One of the Tour

RECAP: Day 1
A recap of night one by the King, a RAP up if you will (and yes I just said that)

Now granted we all have our stories and in fact I will just highlight the night. The entire Krew will be adding INdepth INsight INto each of the happenings that I will just briefly discuss here...

So a News Director and a Telethon intern walk into a bar...You know this would have been a better joke, but unfortunatley it is very very true, and in a way, very very sad. After a telethon at the station I ask one of the workers for her number and decide the best first outing would be Karaoke Night. So I call her and invite her to join us. She says she will, but she needs to check with her friends. Well she did show up and as I alluded to in the first line...She showed up with my boss, 9 years her senior. (not a big age difference...I mean Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise and doing fine I am sure.) Well I did tell the girl he was forty, which maybe wasn't the best idea because I am sure she was relieved to hear he was only 32 Oh well, in the words of D-Gert...and I am quoting, well not really but I will say I am, "I mean give the dog a bone, it's not like you are starving"...and if you know me, then you know that is very very true. And like Joe said, He did just get out of a long relationship...and he and Tim are handling the break up very well. But I digress...

Steve totally slides into home plate...The only problem....A) No one was playing Baseball. B)There was no home plate and C)I didn't take a picture...But you can read about it
  • HERE.


  • Another "get everyone's freaking attention move" was a little song and dance performed for yours truely. Caylin (she is one of the hosts...kinda like Future in 8mile, except she isn't black, she doesn't have dreds, and there is no free style battling going on...so maybe that was a bad comparison) decided to sing one of her greatest hits...that being, Hanky Panky Guy...and she sang it to me. Which was totally okay, cause I got to give her a little spanky, and yes...it was as great as everyone says (I didn't mean it like that, well actually yes I did, but I really didn't mean it). Now I thought she was just being nice and singing to me, but turns out that was her way of saying, "Want a job?", because moments after that I was asked if I would be interested in joining the Bad Ass Karaoke Krew. I was very flattered by the notion and we will see where that whole venture takes us.

    But on a lighter note...HA...Lindsey, aka White Chocolate, laughed so hard at a joke I told, she peed her pants. Well that isn't exactly what happened, in fact I am not sure any of us will ever really know what exactly happened, but you can check out the Battle Royale between White Chocolate vs. The Infamous Shelly B as they go head to head in a Point/Counterpoint on the situatuion
  • HERE.


  • And in this week's "Stupid Human Tricks" (thanks Dave) D-gert brings us the story of two wayward T-sips who get drunk way too early and don't know the words to any of the songs they sing...and are way too proud of hailing from Austin. Check it out
  • HERE.


  • So as they say in the Karaoke Business, "Day one is in the books, and that's a RAP. (I got to use it again...HA HA HA...plus, I don't think anyone in the business says that.)

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    Sunday, July 03, 2005

    Before the Show: with the artist formerly known as Lindsey

    All up in my grill
    My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, There's vodka on my sweater already, Oklahoma Willie, I’m nervous, but on the surface I look calm and ready, To drop bombs, but I keep on forgetting, What I learned now, the whole crowd goes so loud, I open my mouth, but the words won't come out...But that is mainly due to mic problems

    We caught up with White Chocolate, the artists formerly known as Lindsey, before The KaraokeKrew Fourth of July, Four Day Tour began and asked her how she deals with being the leading Karaoke Diva.


    Emixalot: What do you do to prepare for a show?

    White Chocolate:I do a run-through of the song a few times before leaving if it's a new song that I haven't done before. If it's a song that I have already performed, I just listen to it in my truck on the way to Zapatos. And when I get to the concert, I have to at least have a few drinks in me...to loosen up my lips in order to move them fast enough for the faster songs.

    Emixalot:When did you know you had a gift of having a quick tongue?

    White Chocolate: Hahahaha!! That could be interpreted wierd...which was probably your intention. Well the first song I ever tried to rap was "Roll Out"...so I guess Junior year of High School but if you ask some of my ex-boyfriends, they will say much earlier than that.

    Emixalot: Who is your biggest Idol?

    White Chocolate: Besides you? Definitely Ludacris. He's so awesome...words can't describe his gangsta ways, but he is "off the hook" (that was really white...but I can get away with it because I'm mixed...hence the name White Chocolate).

    Emixalot: Who is your biggest Enemy?

    White Chocolate:Those that think I suck or say my friends suck...yea you know who you are.NIBLETT

    Emixalot: Are there any things you do as rituals before shows?

    White Chocolate: I will not go up and rap sober...so I definitely have to have a beer or shot before. Thats the closest to rituals as I can get. Plus I wear the same thong for every show.

    Emixalot: Tell us what kind of guy interests you? (er...uh...you know for our fans)

    White Chocolate: Uhhhh seriously? OK. A guy who is confidentenough to come talk to me (I hate guys who think I'm intimidating...I'll talk to just about anyone with money); a gentleman; and of course someone LONG tall. But most importantly someone who can make me laugh and smile all the time. Oh yea...they definitely have to like rap!!

    Emixalot: What is your pre-show meal?

    White Chocolate: Honestly...I usually don't eat anything before because then I get a little tipsy faster and then I rap better. Like I said...alcohol loosens up my mouth...you know...for rap.

    Emixalot: How do you deal with all the attention?

    White Chocolate: I am pretty humble about it. I just say thanks and am pretty flattered. Because, in all honesty, I don't think I am all that great. I could be better. I don't know.

    Emixalot: What is your favorite Dollar Shot?

    White Chocolate: Royal Fuck...because it feels oh so good coming down my throat. haha!!

    To which I shook my head...but kinda smiled cause I liked the comment

    Emixalot: One final thought, any words for young (emerging) rappers?

    White Chocolate:Start with slower songs and work your way up to Twista rhymes. Learn one verse at a time...and by then you should have the song memorized and as long as you have it memorized, I think you could rap it as fast as you want. It works for me.
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    Saturday, July 02, 2005

    DJ Fully on Konverting to Karaoke: A Testimony

    one short of a threesomeDon't worry there is still only one Steve
    They all say the same thing.
    They all say they’ll never sing.
    They say it’s not something they’d do.
    They say they’ll embarrass themselves.


    But like a hooch with a skirt hiked higher than Edmund Hillary on Mount Everest, they give it up easy. All it takes is one time, and they never stop.

    Karaoke (yes, karaoke) is addicting. Like Niblett on cake, you have to feed the need. It’s a lyrical speed. A narcotic indeed. Like cocaine or weed.

    It’s so addictive, you’ll start rhyming…everything!

    I was once a naysayer... The first time I ever went to karaoke was about half-a-year ago. I watched white trash run to the stage, as enthusiastic as Pavarotti about to sing Madama Butterfly. They end up sounding like Pavarotti, mouth filled with manicotti.

    Like I said…everything!

    But as I finally (thankfully) learned, karaoke isn’t all about the singers. Heck, I wouldn’t even consider it half the experience.

    It’s who you’re there with.

    A word to the wise: most of the singers at karaoke suck…bad. Hoover bad. Battlefield Earth bad. Niblett singing Motownphilly bad. The trick is tuning them out. Laugh at them once, then grab a beer, a friend and a conversation. If you’d like, laugh twice. It’s impossible to laugh thrice. Pay attention again, and the laughter dies like FDR in his wheelchair.

    Too soon?

    The great performances make the outing worthwhile. The “Georgia on My Minds,” the “Slow Jamz” and the “Stand Ups.” The performances where, for just a split second, you forget that Ray and Twista and Luda aren’t on stage. The performances where you roar for a great note, and the rest of the house roars with you, not because they know the guy or gal on stage, but because they know great music.

    And maybe, just maybe, you think you can hit a great note, too. Your friends, done with their beers, continuing their conversations, tell you that you can. The chick in the skirt says you can…that, and that she feels a breeze.

    You get the guts to fill out a scrap of paper as intimidating as that damn blue book for the test you didn’t study for. A few minutes later, your name rings through the speakers, and a chill runs down your spine. The next thing you know, a mic is in your hand, and words are flying across the screen.

    “You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go…”

    Eminem also said, “I ain’t never seen an ass like that.” He must have seen the skirts at karaoke. It’s the tools and the fools that make you wiggle and giggle that make the experience that much better.


    It’s a simple formula: sing, laugh and be liv’n it up, and the crowds that gather ‘round will be giv’n it up. Just so long as honeyz keep on fill’n the cup, the times, they’ll be electric, and that’s what’s up.

    Everything! and Amen.
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    Friday, July 01, 2005

    Love Stories with Megan

    HELLO
    The smoke clears the room and our eyes meet for the first time (haha)...I
    give him a half smile and he gives me his “how u doin” look...

    But then again, Boys are only good for one thing...And half the time they can't even do that right.

    Of course I am sure you all know, the best way to get over a guy...get under one.
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    C-Money on top of Women

    I want it Nice and Slow, Poltergeist
    This is a Karaoke Krew Exclusive interview with C-Money on how exactly he picks up the ladies, and how he makes it look so easy.

    Emixalot: So C-Money, three girls in one night. Tell us how drunk they were to talk to you it happened.

    C-Money: Well, the night was just like any other. I decided to dress to impress that night. I normally just wear a tshirt, but tonight I try something different. There's a guy who also shows up at karaoke every night, his name is P-doogy. Talk about a small cock world. I met him about a year ago at a friends Gay Pride party. So that night he was sitting with a group of friends and some lovely HOES ladies. So I asked him to introduce me to them. Lindsey was the first one I met. With Lindsey were two of her friends, Kim and Julie. Kim is the young one who just turned 21 and the other two are already of drinking age. But as I say, If there is grass on the field...Play Ball So I sit with them and begin my flirting. Its hard with three girls because I am trying to give equal attention to them but also trying to figure out which one I like and should go after. I mean all I want to go is go home with them and hit it Kim is the cutest of the bunch but I just did not get a good vibe from her. Lindsey was the next cutest but she was really shy and quiet. Julie was the one I thought I would go for. After all she did have the Biggest Rack. She seemed really interested in me and so seemed more like my type.

    Emixalot: What is your type?

    C-Money: Short, long hair, Huge Rack easy going, Huge Rack talkative, just someone Huge Rack to have fun with.

    Emixalot: So what happened by the end of the night?

    C-Money: Well after being distracted by some friends who will remain nameless, Megan, Emixalot, Steve I got Lindsey's number and told them I hope to see yall out here that next Wednesday. So we can have a threesome

    Emixalot: So why only one number?

    C-Money: Cause I am an Idiot Well it would been awkward to ask for all three so since Lindsey was the one I first met, I asked for hers and got it.

    Emixalot: So what happened that following Wednesday night?

    C-Money: So Kim and Lindsey show up but not Julie. I talked to them for a while but nothing really came out of it. I did talk more with Kim and go to know her a little better. if you know what I mean That night I told her I would sing her a song on her birthday. In my birthday suit

    Emixalot: Did you ever get Kims number?

    C-Money: Actually, yes. Yes I did. Two days later on Friday night I went to northgate for a friends bday celebration. I went straight to the ATM to get some cash and guess who walks by? Kim! I had called Lindsey that night to invite them out but she never called me back. I didn't mind...I don't need them...I have them lining up at my door. After telling Kim this, she turns to me and says, "Oh you need my number." And then puts it in my phone.

    Emixalot: Did you sing to Kim on her birthday?

    C-Money: Yes I did and I was a little drunk. I sang Nice and Slow by Usher. It probably sucked but I think she liked it. I got to dance with her while I was singing which made all the guys jealous.

    Emixalot: NO it didn't Nice! So any luck with Kim or Lindsey so far?

    C-Money: Not really. Cause I am a toolThey come out to karaoke now all the time. My goal is to get them to sing something before the end of the summer. I will might ask one of them to dinner but I am just playing it cool for now.

    Emixalot: Well thanks for the time C-Money. You are an inspiration to us all.

    Please take time to read the whole interview.
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    Dude...Where's your clothes?

    skirt
    She had legs that went on for miles...But I really didn't have to see every mile of them.

    This little vixen shows up at the club..sporting nothing more than a Scrunchee as her evening attire. Problem is she can't sit down, she can't lean over...she can't really do anything but stand there and look, well, Stupid. Every guy in the joint took notice, but it wasn't cause she was hot...more like...You have got to be kidding. And I don't know of a girl there that thought it was a good idea.--Wait, yeah I do...
    So I tell, in order to protect her identity we will call her, Amanda, a regular singer at Zapatos, that that girl should really wear some clothes next time. I was sort of kidding, but I was mostly dead serious. Upon this remark...I meet PSYCHO-HOSE BEAST KILLER AMANDA and she politely informs me that it is the LEGS' birthday and she can wear whatever she wants. I agree with her, but you actually have to wear something if you are gonna wear what you want.

    I am no fashion police but I think even the horniest of guy can agree, that skirt was not a good idea...I mean the girl didn't even have a butt.
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    Candy 95.1 FM Debut: Timberlake Wannabe

    I want to be him
    The bigger the star the bigger the target. Next thing you know we will be accused of having sleepovers with 9 year olds.

    Kanye West/Jamie Foxx/Twista...Never sounded as good. Emixalot and Lindsey (currently working on a suitable title) took Slow Jamz to the stage and the crowd went wild. Even a little known krew hailing from Kandy 95 couldn't stop going crazy over our white chocolate. So impressed with Lindsey's Street cred, they get her number hoping to have the local celeb on their show...
    Niblett is wrapping up his radio show and probably his 7th pizza of the night, when he calls out Lindsey before he plays Slow Jamz. He is raving about her fast tongue and mad skillz...but then drops a bomb on all of us.

    "The only problem with the performance was her boyfriend...Lookin all Justin Timberlake with his sweatband on his arm...front tucked in...holding his belt."
    I, the Karaoke King, got called out by Niblett. I don't much mind due to the fact that...Hey Justin looks alright and sounds even better. I mean Niblett had trouble keeping up with Motown Philly...I mean seriously...BLOW ME.

    But hey Lindsey and her mad Skillz got props all over the airwaves to all 9 people that actually enjoy the Niblett radio show.

    this is an audio post - click to play

  • Send the Tool a letter. Either complaining about his lack of respect to the King or complaining about his lack of Motown Philly Skills.
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